Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize