Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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