I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
