I wish I only lived at night.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
