I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
