when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
