....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
