I'm eating all of the evidence.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you had me at cake vodka
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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