I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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