she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
