So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize