weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
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No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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