I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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