i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
