Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
