does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
