i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
