I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
