My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
