she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my shit smells like andre
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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