I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
