youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
no you cant smoke seaweed
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
