Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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