I got chris browned last night
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
