I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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