Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
