I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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