just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
