South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Michael Bay diarrhea
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
