I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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