mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
