i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
