I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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