i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
