I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
