imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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