I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
