I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
