I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
