So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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