Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
