Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
