So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
