I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
