my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
