I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
