Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
