Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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