her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
