oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
