so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
