chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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