I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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