Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
