You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
