oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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