Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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