And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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